I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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