I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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