I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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