So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
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The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
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bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
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