Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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