Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
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