Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
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I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
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Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
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