remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize