Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize