No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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