I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
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