I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
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As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
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But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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