i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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