that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
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