Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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