Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
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I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
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in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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