Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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