I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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