At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize