I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize