I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
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You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
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All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
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