now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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