I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's like heaven, but drunker
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize