idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
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I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
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I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
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