it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
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