I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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