At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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