Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize