Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
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I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
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Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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