I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
sarcasm needs its own font
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
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