I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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