The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize