His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
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You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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