His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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