those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
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You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
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I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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