Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize