Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
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