my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Semen is not good for contacts.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
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