OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
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We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
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Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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