dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
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