i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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