I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
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No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
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Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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