Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
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