we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
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Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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