he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
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