I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize