I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
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Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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