Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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