His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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