laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I forget how to act sober
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